There is a point where someone's intimacy levels may not meet yours. What happens then? (+11)
says Sukiesnow on Apr 18th 17 (#808318)
says Freeranger on Apr 18th 17 (#2548734)
says JustJimColo on Apr 18th 17 (#2548736)
You try something different to re-ignite the spark!
says Rooster on Apr 18th 17 (#2548749)
Deal with it.
says StarzAbove on Apr 18th 17 (#2548751)
That is one thing that has to be in-sync or the relationship won't work.
says Tiffanee on Apr 18th 17 (#2548759)
No second chances?
says Sukiesnow on May 19th 17 (#2571026)
If one is always left wanting, in any sense, it will never work
says Carla on Apr 18th 17 (#2548780)
Intimacy does not generally mean ****. When someone's level either does not meet your level or you do not meet theirs...you need to consider readjusting....
You can't expect what may never happen...but yet it still might...if someone grows in trust and love.
says Sukiesnow on Apr 18th 17 (#2548793)
The couple needs to talk about it. If this doesn't help and you're not married, you break up. If you are married and it is unresolved, you "take matters into your own hands".
says PhilboydStudge on Apr 20th 17 (#2549939)
Yes...ahem... "Take matters into your own hands" sounds lovely...
says Sukiesnow on May 19th 17 (#2571025)
says DWF on May 19th 17 (#2570948)
First, work out what exactly it is that you are seeking and need more of in this relationship. It could be that you actually don't know exactly what you are looking for. Thenconsider ways in which you may be holding back in getting closer to that person, what are your boundaries or masks? Then discuss all of this with your partner in a safe, non-judgemental way, and accept that you may also need to work on some things. No one is perfect. And no one is a min reader, no matter how long you've known each other for. We are all thinking on different wave lengths.
says LiVi on May 19th 17 (#2570949)
I would love to be a mind reader.
says Sukiesnow on May 19th 17 (#2571022)
I think the idea sounds nice, but in reality, we would see a lot of thoughts we wish we hadn't...
says LiVi on May 19th 17 (#2571884)
I'm probably not the right person to be answering this. I had the exact same issue and wasn't able to resolve it with talking about it. I also talked to others in relationships and most said that their partners had become less intimate over time. But then their partners may have said the same about them. Either way I think many people lose interest, or get bored with the relationship and no amount of work or talking can fix it when that happens especially if they don't see the relationship as worth holding on to.
says OzSurfer on May 19th 17 (#2571002)
Or maybe also, people get into bad habits and lose the ability to consciously reflect on their relationship patterns, and get caught up in the stress and distractions of daily living. Sometimes humans just don't have enough mental capacity to think about all of these things. I don't think it always comes from a place of lack of care or love, I think it's mostly genuine forgetfulness and thoughtless autopilot behaviour :-)
says LiVi on May 19th 17 (#2571887)
Great point, something I need to think more on. I guess a lot of people take on so much in their daily lives that they can inadvertently become complacent with important things like their relationship. I must admit I become like that with my work relationship if I'm overwhelmed with life issues and responsibilities so usually struggle to give it the attention it deserves :)
says OzSurfer on May 20th 17 (#2571926)
Thanks Dallas, yes it has taken me a while to realise this, but I realised it through observing my own behaviour and just how forgetful, thoughtless and swept up in my own problems or daily life tasks I can be. And as I like to think I am a pretty thoughtful, caring and sensitive person, as I know you are also, it's interesting that even we can sometimes be thoughtless in those areas at times. So if we can be like that (I mean if I can, I'm not accusing you of anything 😋), then its natural that most people will also be neglectful or aloof for the same reasons. I think it's because that feeling of neglect can be so hurtful that we assume it's because others don't care about us or are doing it on purpose, when really they are so busy trying to get through their busy day, like all of us. It takes effort to remind ourselves of this though :-)
It can be difficult to find a balance!
says LiVi on May 20th 17 (#2572031)
I agree with everything you said Livi, and it's ok, I am just as guilty of getting caught up in things. Also I sometimes find I inadvertently avoid anything social because, well I find meeting people always ends in rejection and I need to be feeling emotionally strong to walk into that kind of thing, so often I'll just avoid it even without giving it a lot of thought. It's probably my biggest struggle with work which isn't the work but dealing with all the people and the relationships. I know it's my issue that I have to work on but like you says, when we are busy and stressed it can be really hard.
says OzSurfer on May 20th 17 (#2572044)
That is really hard. I can be like that too sometimes. But I guess it's important to just keep putting ourselves out there and keep making that effort, because it will be returned eventually! It just takes time and patience. And work friendships can really blossom over time. It can be awkward at first to take that next step outside of work with people sometimes, but with practice it gets easier! You are on the right track Dallas, don't let it all get you down! We need to catch up some time soon too! 😃 Xx
says LiVi on May 20th 17 (#2572122)
I guess I've just had a particularly bad run with people at work and family all having no time for anything outside of their own immediate families and relationships. It's probably all due to what you described above.
Yes that'd be great! :) xo
says OzSurfer on May 20th 17 (#2572382)
I like the way you think...
says Sukiesnow on May 20th 17 (#2572006)
Thanks Suki! You too 😉
says LiVi on May 20th 17 (#2572029)
You cut em loose!
says Jaxxi on May 19th 17 (#2571086)
You work through them, you can talk more, both find out what each other wants or needs...if you can't resolve this and can't stay together ..then a separation may be the only solution..
says JD on May 19th 17 (#2571115)